About Me, Myself and I

So, who am I? This sounds like one of those deep age-old questions. However, the reality is: it isn't. At this point, I'm not prepared to expound on any of the mysteries/great questions of the universe. If you were looking for this, you are in the wrong place. In fact, if you are serious about discovering worthwhile knowledge, I would highly recommend closing this browser, shutting down the computer, and finding a good book to read. If, however, you are searching for meaningless drivel about some Dutch guy from rural Alberta, your search is over...feast your eyes on this!

I hope that you find this information both insightful and amusing. If you intend to use the information for the purposes of stealing my identity and robbing me blind, I have two things to say to you. First, I will rip you limb from limb. Second, I am already quite poor. Your efforts are quite futile. The money I have is not worth losing limbs over. However, I hear that Ted Turner has lots of money. Try him.

Details, Details, Details:

Name: Jonathan

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Height: 6’ 3” (If you think that you’re 6’ 4” and yet you are shorter than me, it is YOU that are mistaken about your height. You’re just lying. You’re fat and short...get over it.) (Oh, and you needn’t tell me that I am tall. I’m quite aware of that. In fact, I have a mirror right at my bedside. If I were to, by some freakish accident, forget during the night that my height is greater than the population mean, I will be starkly reminded of that interesting little fact by the full length mirror that greets me every morning as I arise. Your comments are simply redundant.)

Where I Grew Up: I grew up on a dairy farm outside a small town in central Alberta, Canada. I really like cows. They are beautiful.

Educational Status: 4yr. B.A. in Psychology from Taylor University College.

Occupation: I work at Urecon Pre-Insulated Pipe as an inside sales customer representative. The people I work with are great folks!

Marital Status: Currently unmarried, but in a great relationship with Stephanie Dennis. Fricken awesome is all I can say. She is pretty brilliant, just like chocolate cake! She is keeping me on my toes, and enjoys my truck... finally. It only took a month. Plus, she can drive it through some muddy fields without a hitch. May the Lord bless us~Stephanie

Hair Colour: Blonde. I'm pretty much your standard pasty Aryan. I wish I could have inherited a bit more of my father's darker complection.

Skin Color: Albino with hints of blushing. Seriously, I'm not really all that gaunt looking.

Hobbies: I really like Mac computers, but I am interested in most things computer related (except gaming). I like to tinker with Mac, Windows, and even Linux. It keeps me on my toes and causes me to be a little less biased to Macs. I really like those commercials though (don't worry, I take them with a grain of salt).

I like the arts. I know that my brother will probably read through this and think of something witty and "brotherly" to say to me about the artsy types. My appreciation of the arts is not limited to one field though. I enjoy singing, playing piano (although my skills are fading like an old shirt in bleach), and drama.

Sports also rank among my hobbies. I'm not particularly good at any one sport. However, I enjoy getting together with some friends or acquaintances and playing some hoopball or soccer. This summer I had the opportunity to play soccer in a city Rec league. This winter I am joining a recreational hockey league. I'm certainly looking forward to it.

Musical Tastes: Classical, Country, Big Band, Jazz, Pop, Rock, bluegrass, etc. My favorite musician of all time is Michael W. Smith. I know that he is not the world's greatest singer, but I really really like his music writing abilities. If you haven't heard him, you haven't lived. Really...those who have not heard MWS are little more than robotic zombies lacking true meaning and fulfillment in life. ;-) As for my favorite vocalist, I must admit that I am torn between José Cura, Josh Groban, and Michael Buble. They each have their own unique talents. Oh, and Andrea Bocelli is pretty amazing too! I really have come to like RED and Rascal Flatts too!

Favorite Sports Teams: Edmonton Oilers (hockey), Edmonton Eskimos (football). I have found that anyone who refers to hockey as ice hockey or to skating as ice skating is probably not good at either. Those of us who like hockey (on ice, the way God intended for it to be played) never call it ice hockey. "Ice Skating" is a term used by people in Florida who can hardly stand on skates and often have their ankles scraping along the ice. Besides, I see no real reason to "clarify" which type of skating it is...who roller skates any more?!?! Seriously!

Pet Peeves:

• Bad grammar (I still love you Dad)
• Poor web design. This site is certainly a work in progress, and I don't claim to be a competent web designer, but I just appreciate good design work.
• Medium-rare chicken or pork. Both are wonderful meats (regardless of what vegans and 7th Day Adventists may claim). However, both ought to be well cooked. I enjoy my steaks cooked to "medium." However, partially pink chicken or pork is not as palatable.
• People who say "I hate Apple computers" when you can tell that (a) they probably have never used an Apple for more than 10 minutes in their life and that (b) they probably don't even know the difference between RAM and ROM.
• Getting shot. I'm told the knee-cap is particularly uncomfortable.
• World of Warcraft. This game is fostering the demise of the American culture and the North American male. Seriously, if you play WoW, go out and get a real life.
• Poor PowerPoint design and operation. Seriously, they put people through hours of training so that they can properly run a little church sound system. However, when it comes to PowerPoint no one thinks that there needs to be any training or technique. Just put as many images and animations on the screen as possible, and it is sure to be effective. Anyone who suggests any techniques or principles for effective communiation must surely be on crazy pills! For sure!
• People who call Windows Vista, "the Vista." Is it "the xp?" No, of course not. Is it "the Linux?" NO!!! Therefore, by the same token, it's not "the Vista".
• Jonathon, Johnathan, or Johnathon. Of all the Jonathans that I have met, only one or two have actually had their name end in "o-n". I have never met someone who spelled the "Jon" part of their name with an "h". Why then, do so many people screw it up? Here's a little hint to help everyone remember: Jo-Nathan.
• People who are rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious. Self-proclaimed "rebels without a cause" are just losers! If you have a cause like Gandhi or Martin Luther King, then all power to you. However, if your idea of making a statement is tatooing your ass or wearing a t-shirt with some offensive, cliche slogan, then you seriously need to get a life. Instead of spending 30 dollars on your pathetic t-shirt, why don't you use that money for some dying kids in Africa. Honestly, why don't you make a real difference in this world by *gasp* being a better person.
• Pamela Anderson. Enough said.
• People who don't wash their hands after using the washroom. Whenever I'm in a washroom and witness someone who doesn't wash their hands, I begin to wonder whether they even wiped their bottom! Seriously! How many hundreds of years ago was it that we discovered that hand-washing was a beneficial and sanitary practice? Did these people not get the memo? Are they visually impaired, and did they not see the sink by the wall? Are they retarded? Rule of thumb, "If you've experienced a recent bowel or bladder movement, wash your hands."
• To be continued...